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ButHey — Clay here!

For the past month, this one thought has been sitting in the corner of my brain, tapping its foot: we’re comparing our entire lives to somebody else’s best five seconds. And we don’t even notice we’re doing it.

There’s a reason it’s messing with us — but it’s not the reason most people think.

Let’s dig in. 🔥

When Curation Starts to Feel Like Reality

I was watching a short clip on YouTube from The Minimalists Podcast last month, and it hit me so hard that I scrapped the Spark I had planned for this week and moved it to later.

And if you’ve been with me a while, you might remember I actually teased this message about earlier this month. It’s been simmering ever since.

The Minimalists opened the segment with a simple sentence:
“Comparison is the thief of contentment.”

Then they played a clip from a guy known as NYC Divorce Lawyer, and honestly, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He’s talking about social media—how men and women are constantly comparing themselves, their bodies, their marriages, their parenting, their entire lives… to something that isn’t even real.

He says people are scrolling, asking themselves:
“Why doesn’t my partner look like that?”

And then he just yells:
“They don’t look like that!!! Someone set up a camera!”

It’s funny because it’s true.
And it’s sad because it’s true.

We all know social media isn’t real. But we forget how not real it is.

We see the “I just woke up like this” selfies… that took 12 tries.
We see the “effortless” parenting moments… that happened after negotiating with a toddler for 20 minutes.
We see the “perfect couple” photos… that were taken after the argument they didn’t post.
We see the workout clips… that conveniently skip the days they hit snooze.

It’s not that people are lying.
It’s that we’re mistaking curation for reality.
And when we compare ourselves to curation, we always lose.

The Hidden Cost of Comparison

The danger isn’t that we admire other people’s lives.
The danger is that comparison rewrites the story we tell ourselves.

Suddenly your normal Tuesday starts to feel inadequate.
Your marriage starts to feel less romantic.
Your body starts to feel less impressive.
Your discipline starts to feel weak.
Your honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay starts to feel like a trap
(they have a day job too — they’re just not filming that part 🤫).

Your life—your completely regular, honest, imperfect, meaningful life—starts to feel like it doesn’t measure up.

Not because anything is wrong with it.
But because something is wrong with the reference point you keep using.

You’re comparing everyday life to a highlight reel spliced together in someone else’s editing room.

And when you do that long enough, your contentment starts to erode.

The Real Problem: We Compare, But We Forget We’re Comparing

Most men don’t sit there thinking,
“Let me judge myself against some stupidly ridiculous standard today.”

Comparison is subtle.
It creeps in through habit, not intention.

You scroll.
You watch.
You absorb.
You compare—without ever deciding to.

Meanwhile, real life—your real life—is happening all around you, unfiltered and unrecorded.

The messy hair.
The morning breath.
The kids arguing.
The wife stressed from work.
The laundry pile so high you need a sherpa to navigate it.

None of that looks good on camera.
But all of it is real.
And real is where meaning lives.

A Simple Reset

Here’s the line I want to leave you with today—the one I teased last month:

Remember: What you’re seeing is curated — what you’re living is real.

If you take nothing else from this newsletter, take that.

Your life—your imperfect, unposed, unfiltered life—is the one that counts.

Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

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