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Morning — it’s Clay.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how fast time with our kids really moves. Not in the “they grow up so fast” way people say in grocery store lines—but in the real, measurable sense that one day you look up and realize the time you thought you had… is already behind you.

This week’s article is about that truth—not to scare you, but to wake you up.

🔥 Time with your kids isn’t just passing—it’s evaporating. Let’s dig in.

Time with your kids isn’t just passing—it’s evaporating.

There’s a stat I’ve heard more than once that goes something like this:
75 to 80% of all the one-on-one time you’ll ever spend with your kids happens before they’re teenagers.

I can’t vouch for the exact percentage or the exact age—but I feel pretty certain the general point is true.

Once your kids hit those middle and high school years, life fills up fast. Friends, sports, jobs, screens—all good things in moderation, but they pull time and attention in a hundred directions.

So the point isn’t to panic. It’s to pay attention.
Because time with your kids isn’t just passing by—it’s evaporating.

And that evaporation looks different depending on where you are in the journey.
If your kids are still at home, this is about showing up often.
If they’re grown, it’s about showing up still.

If Your Kids Are Still Home: Find Y’all’s Thing

When your kids are under your roof — diapers, elementary, middle school, high school — your main job is simple: find y’all’s thing.

And let’s be honest — y’all’s thing is mostly their thing.
At least for now.

When my son was really young, our thing was trains.
The boy had more wooden Thomas the Tank Engine tracks than should be legally allowed.

Then our thing evolved — first into watching history videos together, then into music, and now... civil engineering. As in roads. You read that right.

But that’s the beauty of it. As they grow, your thing together changes shape.
The key is to keep chasing their interests long enough for them to one day start chasing yours.

If they’re into bugs, that’s gross, but YouTube is a lifesaver.
If they’re into Minecraft, build something with them.
If they’re into basketball, rebound until your back hurts (shouldn’t take too long).

You’re not just building memories — you’re building connection.
And connection is the one thing that still works long after everything else stops.

So if your kids are still home, find y’all’s thing.
It’ll start as theirs, but if you stay close, it’ll eventually become yours too.

If Your Kids Are Grown: Connection Doesn’t Expire

And if your kids are already out there—college, career, families of their own—the rules don’t change much. The only thing that changes is the schedule.

I’d give you the same advice I’d give someone trying to reconnect with an old friend:
Do something low-maintenance and regular together.

Play pickleball at the local gym every Monday.
(I know, I know—pickleball isn’t a real sport. If you want to argue about it, reply to this email. I’ve got strong opinions about what does and doesn’t qualify as a sport.)

Go to the local high-school football games—they happen every Friday for three months.
Or get together every Sunday for lunch.

It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as it’s simple and consistent. Something that doesn’t feel like “making plans,” but just part of life again.

Then add something that’s less regular but takes a little more effort.
Go to a local festival.
Hit up a homesteading conference. (They exist—I’ve been.)
Go see the newest formulaic but still amazing Jason Statham movie.
Do something that creates a shared story, not just a shared meal.

And once a year, blow it out.
Go skiing.
Rent a cabin at the lake for a week.
Take a road trip and see who gets tired of the other’s music first.

Because connection doesn’t retire when they move out.
Your role just shifts—from raising them to re-raising the relationship.

The Throughline

Whether your kids are five or thirty-five, the principle doesn’t change:
They’re still learning from you.

How you love their mom.
How you handle stress.
How you treat people who can’t do anything for you.
How you live when you think nobody’s watching.

You’re always teaching them something—by how you live, not by what you say.

Time with your kids is evaporating. But that doesn’t mean it’s gone.
It just means you have to be intentional about catching what’s left of it while it’s still in the air.

Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

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