Morning—Clay here.

A recent podcast conversation stuck with me. Somewhere between the questions about family and simplicity, the host asked what it means to be a man. It’s one of those questions that sounds simple until you actually try to answer it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how many versions of that answer I’ve heard—and how most of them end up sounding a little narrow, a little self-referential.

That’s what today’s Spark is about: looking past all the noise about what a “real man” is supposed to be, and getting back to something quieter, steadier, and a lot more meaningful. 🔥

Is Every Definition of a ‘Real Man’ Just a Self-Portrait?

Every YouTuber with a beard, a microphone, and a heavy-metal intro seems to have a list of what makes a “real man.”

And sure—most of those lists start out fine. Discipline, hard work, courage. Solid stuff.
But before long, they all seem to drift into the same territory: deadlifting, jiu-jitsu, and covering yourself in deer pee before sunrise to bow-hunt in the fog.

Nothing against any of that—I lift three times a week, my son’s best friend is into jiu-jitsu, and I’ve got a relative who practically makes a living hunting. But I’ve noticed something: most of the YouTubers and influencers talking about what it means to be a “real man” end up describing someone who looks a lot like… them.

So you won’t hear me trying to hand out a checklist for manhood.

This came to mind last week during a podcast interview when the host asked me what it means to be a man.

It reminded me of something I’ve always thought about the difference between being a child and being an adult:

That’s it, really. That’s the job description.
To shoulder responsibility—the ones you asked for and the ones that showed up uninvited—and treat them the same.

The host said he sees those uninvited responsibilities as blessings. He believes God (or the universe, or whatever you believe in) gives them to you because you’re ready for them, because there’s something you’re meant to learn. I liked that perspective. I don’t always feel ready for the things I’ve been handed—but maybe that’s part of the lesson too.

Because some days the weight really does feel like more than you can carry.
And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human, standing under the load and doing your best not to drop what matters most.

“Real men?” Forget that.
The world just needs reliable ones.

Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

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