Spontaneity isn’t just overrated—it’s dumb

A planned date night beats a spontaneous one... because it actually happens.

Author

Clay Garrett
December 18th, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 7 minutes

In partnership with

Morning — Clay here.

Lately I’ve been noticing something about my days: the more I try to cram in, the less I actually get done.

And that ties directly into today’s reflection — the lie we keep believing about multitasking, and the cost it quietly adds to our relationships, our focus, and our sense of presence.

Let’s get into it. 🔥

Spontaneity isn’t just overrated—it’s dumb.

Another installment of the series: Things I’ve Learned in the First Quarter of Middle Age (That I Probably Should’ve Already Known).

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that relying on spontaneity is dumb.

You want something to happen? Schedule it.
Fun included.

Time with friends.
Date nights.
Doctor visits.
Oil changes.
A Saturday hike.
A two-hour window to hang that painting your wife’s been hounding you about.
An entire lazy day to just take life as it comes
(Schedule as many of those as you can.)

You name it—if it matters, it needs a place on the calendar.

I finally stopped pretending a burst of spontaneity was going to show up and fix my schedule. So I bought one of those giant wall calendars.

Because here’s the truth:

You can either plan your life… or spend your life reacting to what you didn’t plan.

“Let’s get together soon” is the adult version of “We should start a band.”
It sounds good, but it never actually happens.

My big wall calendar, patiently waiting to go up once I clear some space in the laundry room.

And just to be clear—I’m not one of those people who thinks you should schedule every second of your day and march behind your calendar like it’s a drill sergeant.
That’s not living.

But I am saying this:

If you don’t schedule something like a date night, life will gladly schedule an “emergency” in its place.

Date nights aren’t spontaneous anymore—and that’s exactly what makes them possible.

The effort might not feel romantic…
but the connection that comes from consistency?

That’s the stuff romance is built on.

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Two Movies for When You’ve Had a Little Too Much Christmas Spirit

Looking for a fun, action-packed, bloody pair of movies to watch by yourself when you need to decompress after the Christmas craziness? Check out Nobody and Nobody 2. I watched them after Thanksgiving, and they were exactly what I needed—pure, non–family-friendly fun.

You basically get to watch the guy from Better Call Saul try to keep his family together while punching bad guys in the face… and even losing a finger along the way. Perfect for a little holiday-season reset.

The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman

You think you’re showing love. Your wife and kids think you’re distant. Love isn’t about effort—it’s about speaking the language they feel. If you’re giving gifts but they need quality time, you’ll miss each other every day.

This book helps you stop guessing how your family feels loved and start connecting in ways that actually land. Loving harder isn’t the answer—loving smarter is, and it begins with understanding the language each person hears as love.

→ Check it out on Amazon
Affiliate link—see disclosure below.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
John Gottman, PhD, and Nan Silver

Marriages don’t crumble overnight—they fade in the small moments you ignore. Gottman’s decades of research show exactly what makes relationships thrive and what quietly tears them apart, offering real tools instead of clichés.

Your marriage doesn’t improve on intention alone—it grows through simple, proven actions taken consistently. Conflict isn’t the enemy; avoiding it is. Gottman makes it clear: your marriage is either growing or drifting, and this book shows you how to move it in the right direction.

→ Check it out on Amazon
Affiliate link—see disclosure below.

Until next time—
Keep the fires burning,
— Clay

P.S. I’d rather grow Campfire Gentleman through real connections than algorithms. If this resonated, forward it to one friend.

Affiliate Disclosure: Some of the links in this newsletter are affiliate links. That means if you click through and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission—at no extra cost to you. I only share products and services I genuinely believe add value and align with the mission of Campfire Gentleman