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Morning—Clay here.
Most dads think fatherhood comes with a built-in playbook:
The right words. The right moves. The right instincts.
One day you just “know” how to lead your family.

At least, that’s what I believed.

But the truth is, most of us are making it up as we go. And too often, we measure ourselves by what we’re not doing wrong instead of what we’re building right.

🔥 This week, I sat down with Larry Hagner of The Dad Edge to talk about that gap—and how to close it. Let’s dig in.

Larry Hagner on Fatherhood, Marriage, and Escaping the Drift

I recently sat down with Larry Hagner of The Dad Edge to talk about his new book, The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood. Larry’s been a huge influence on Campfire Gentleman, and in our conversation he shared some powerful insights every dad needs to hear.

Here are a few highlights:

1. Knowing What Not to Do Isn’t Enough

When Larry first became a dad, he thought avoiding the mistakes of his own upbringing would be enough. But as he quickly learned, focusing only on negatives keeps you stuck. “Whatever we resist will persist,” he said. Growth comes from shifting your focus toward the actions that actually move you forward—connection, patience, and intentional choices.

2. The Drift Is Real and Dangerous

One of the central themes in Larry’s book is what he calls the drift: living life on autopilot, settling for a paycheck, a disconnected marriage, or distant kids. It’s the slow slide into “this is just how life is.” Larry warns: “The definition of hell is meeting the man you could have become on your deathbed.” Escaping the drift starts by learning, practicing new skills, and refusing to settle.

3. Intentional Time Beats Screen Time

Larry made a simple but convincing point: it doesn’t matter what you do with your kids, it matters that you’re present and interested. Whether it’s golf (which he admits he hates) or a blanket fort mini-golf course in the basement, intentional time is what creates connection. “Interested people are interesting,” Larry said. “The more interested I am in my kids’ lives, the more connected we become.”

4. Marriage Requires Training, Not Just Love

We assume loving our spouse is enough to make marriage work. Larry compared it to jiu-jitsu—nobody signs up for a tournament without training, yet most of us enter marriage completely unprepared. Real growth comes from learning your spouse’s needs, building friendship, and practicing communication skills.

5. Legacy Is About Moments, Not Money

When asked what legacy means to him, Larry didn’t mention houses, cars, or cash. He talked about photos, conversations, and skills passed on. “Legacy is when your kids still want to be around you when they’re grown,” he said. That kind of legacy is built in the daily moments, not the material things.

Larry’s words are both a warning and an encouragement: you don’t have to settle for drifting through life. With intentionality, learning, and connection, you can build a life you’re proud to pass on.

👉 His new book, The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, is available now for pre-order here.

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Stop Just Getting Through the Week. Start Living Like It Matters.

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Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

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Worth Your Time

If you’re digging Campfire Gentleman, check out a few other newsletters I actually read and recommend. No fluff—just solid stuff from like-minded guys trying to build something that matters.