You’re Home—But Are You Really There?

You walk through the door, exhausted. Work drained you, and your brain feels fried.

Meanwhile, your kids are bouncing off the walls, your wife wants to talk, and all you want to do is sink into the couch, scroll your phone, and shut off for a while.

Sound familiar?

I’ve been there. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

Here’s the hard truth:

How you show up in the first 20 minutes might be the difference between being the hero of the night—or just another distraction in their way.

• If you walk in scrolling your phone, your family assumes you’re unavailable.

• If you mumble a distracted “Hey,” they stop trying to engage.

• If you immediately collapse onto the couch, they leave you alone.

Do that often enough, and it becomes the expectation.

And before you know it, disconnection becomes the default.

But here’s the good news:

You don’t need more energy, more espresso, or more free time.

You just need a simple game plan.

These three strategies will help you reset, engage, and make your family feel like the priority they are.

🔥 So… is your family getting the best of you (you’re humming the Foo Fighters, aren’t you?)—or just what’s left over?

Step 1: Reset Your Mind Before Walking in the Door

You can’t walk straight from work stress into family time and expect to be fully present.

If you don’t shift gears, you’ll be home in body, but your mind will be somewhere else.

And your family? They can tell when you’re just going through the motions.

• You nod along, but you’re still thinking about that damn email—did you hit send, or just mean to?

• Your wife is talking, but your brain is replaying a frustrating meeting.

• The kids are bouncing around, but you’re mentally sorting tomorrow’s to-do list.

The result? You’re in the room, but you’re not really there.

🚨 Here’s the fix: A Hard Reset Ritual.

A simple transition routine tells your brain:

🔥 Work is over. Home is now.

How to Reset Before You Walk in the Door

Before stepping inside, take five minutes to switch gears. Pick one:

✅ Strapped for time? The Commute Reset

• Turn off work podcasts, news, or emails—let your brain breathe.

• Play music that shifts your mood, sit in silence, or say a quick prayer.

• Use a mental checkpoint: "Work is done. Now, I focus on home."

💡 Why it works: The drive home is your buffer zone. If you walk in still wired from the day, you’re setting the wrong tone from the start.

✅ Feeling tense? The Doorway Reset

• Before stepping inside, take three deep breaths.

• Change out of work clothes—signal to your brain that the workday is over.

• Shake off stress—literally. Stretch, roll your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

💡 Why it works: Your body holds onto stress. If you don’t physically release it, you carry it into your home.

✅ Before anything else: The First-Thing Reset

• Before checking texts or emails, greet your family. Hug your wife. High-five your kids. (Maybe you shouldn’t even check those texts and emails... 🤔)

• Walk in with energy. If they see you excited to be home, it shifts the whole atmosphere.

• Smile. Even if you don’t feel like it. (It helps.)

💡 Why it works: The first few seconds set the entire tone. Walk in distracted, and your family mirrors that energy.

🔥 Choose one and start tonight.

Step 2: Own the First 20 Minutes at Home

The first 20 minutes after you walk through the door set the tone for the entire night.

How you show up might be the difference between being the hero of the night or just another distraction in their way.

And here’s the thing—your family notices, even if they don’t say it.

Now, ask yourself:

🔥 How many evenings with your kids do you get?
Not as many as you think. I promise.

The 20-Minute Rule: How to Make It Count

✅ Put your phone away.
Leave it in another room and on silent—your notifications can wait.

✅ Greet your family with energy.
A hug, a high-five, a fist bump, or a playful comment sets the tone.

✅ Engage before you unwind.
Instead of sinking into the couch, ask one good question.

✅ Make it a habit.
If they know they get your attention right away, they won’t feel like they have to fight for it later.

🔥 Because the key isn’t time—it’s presence.

Step 3: Ask Better Questions, Get Better Answers

You’ve been there. You walk in, trying to engage, and say, “How was your day?”

And what do you get?

🗿 "Fine."
🗿 "Good."
🗿 "Same as always."

End of conversation.

But ask a better question, and suddenly, they open up.

The Right Questions Make All the Difference

✅ For Your Kids:

• “What was the best thing that happened today?” (Encourages positive reflection.)

• “If you could redo one part of today, what would it be?” (Helps them process challenges.)

• “What’s one thing that made you laugh?” (Great for lighthearted engagement.)

✅ For Your Spouse:

• “What’s something you’re excited about right now?” (Brings out passion & energy.)

• “What’s been on your mind the most today?” (Opens the door to real connection.)

🔥 Ask better questions. Get better answers. Build better connections.

Be Present Where It Matters Most

✅ Reset before you step inside. Take a breath. Shake off the work stress.
✅ Give your family the first 20 minutes. No screens, no distractions—just presence.
✅ Ask one real question. Skip “How was your day?” and go deeper.

🔥 Because at the end of the day, your to-do list won’t matter. But your family will.